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How does a golf-loving, certified hummingbird banding, barbering entrepreneur become ‘intimately’ involved with Arkansas Hospice?
Some people are bubbly. Their personalities explode into a room like never-ending bubbles in a bottle of perfect champagne. Laughter and warmth follow in their wake. Larry Witherspoon is like that – bubbly. Spending time with Larry on a recent Friday afternoon left us breathless. We had tears in our eyes from laughter and sadness, as Larry graciously shared the story of his sister, hospice patient, Mary Temple Witherspoon Giuffria, … of his new wife, hospice nurse, Desiree Rivera, … and of his personal commitment to end-of-life care and service on the Arkansas Hospice Foundation board. Larry’s energy is positively infectious. You’ll want to pull up a chair and put up your feet as you join us for a bubbly sip of Larry’s journey with Arkansas Hospice.
How did you first become involved with Arkansas Hospice?
My sister Mary Temple, I called her Temps, was an Arkansas Hospice patient in the fall of 2002. She was only 46. Several years earlier, Temps had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She received aggressive treatment, and for about a year everything was fine. However, when we learned the cancer had returned, spread throughout her body, and reached her brain, we knew it was terminal.
I’d always thought of Temps as being stronger than me…because in reality she was! [Larry’s face glowed with this recollection and the love he felt for his sister.] She was very athletic, solid and strong; she exercised a lot and was physically fit. It took her cancer 4½ years to steal all of her strength. Temps was admitted to Arkansas Hospice home-based care on September 13, 2002. By the end of November, she had become too sick for us to care for at home; she needed constant care and supervision and was admitted to Arkansas Hospice’s North Little Rock Hospice Center.
What was it like for you and your family – being at the Hospice Center?
What an incredible place…such incredible love. Going into hospice with Temps and our family…we felt surrounded with tenderness and protected by the most amazing care. The CNA’s, nurses, doctors, everyone … [Larry paused, glancing at the carpet, then leaned forward in his chair, looked us straight in the eye and continued, his voice laced with conviction] … they were all angels, there’s no doubt in my mind.
In spite of the wonderful staff, our Mom, Mary Knopf, felt compelled to stay with Temps practically all the time. [Larry clasped his hands in his lap, clearly remembering the difficulties they all faced at the time.] To give Mom a break, my ex-Aunt Alice (still a close family friend) quickly organized a schedule so someone from the family would be with Temps as much as possible. Temps’ husband Greg and her 4-year-old daughter Anna had their days; I was assigned several days a week; and of course, Alice and Mom spent many of their days with Temps. Our brothers came from out of town - Ricky from Boulder, Colorado and Brooks from Alma, Arkansas. It brought us together.
[As he continues, Larry’s facial expressions change from wry smiles to long, inward-searching looks, to calm acceptance.] I still remember the many days and long nights we all spent sitting with her. I would walk Temps around, singing to her in the halls. We talked with other patients and their families, sharing each other’s stories. To watch Arkansas Hospice take care of people is an incredible experience. To be on the receiving end of that care is unforgettable.
Our family had come together in response to my sister’s illness. Within the challenges of Temps' illness and the pain of having to let go of her, we rediscovered how much we all meant to each other. The nurturing environment of the hospice center helped make this possible. Because of Temps our family is now planning reunions and looking forward to spending more time together.
[We stop here for a moment, while Larry sits, unusually quiet. He begins again softly.]
Temps gradually lost her memory and eventually didn’t recognize most of us. Pneumonia was the final illness. Her daughter, Anna was only 5 years old when Temps died on March 13, 2003.
More than a year after Temps died my family continues to be grateful for the care we received and for the continued care given to our family. Temps illness and death were so difficult for Anna to understand. Even today, Barbara Ross, the Bereavement Coordinator, still talks and visits with Anna. Her support is a godsend, helping Anna work through her grief. [Larry points his index finger and raises his voice as if to make us better understand] I’ll say it again: 'the nurses, doctors, social workers, CNA’s, all the way to the director, they’re all angels. They changed my life.'
How did hospice care change your life?
It helped me find so many positives in the painful, negative situation of my sister's death. I saw a lot of love and care I’d never realized was out there before. Such tenderness; it's incredible what Arkansas Hospice people do. It’s so hard to describe … all the adjectives I think of just don’t add up, they don’t even touch it. I have never been deeply involved with an organization before but I found myself inspired to help Arkansas Hospice ... and not just because of my family’s care. I wanted to become involved, to be a part of it in some way - helping to make sure others received the same great care that Temps and our family did.
What else inspired you?
Well, there was Desiree....
Since I was at the hospice center so often, I slowly came to know Temps’ nurse, Desiree. I don’t mind saying this: 'If there’s love at first sight, the first time I saw her I thought “WOW!”' [He actually blushes!] Desiree was quiet, shy, and real cute. [another blush…] Pretty soon I was trying to find out more about her. That's when the staff told me about the "one year" policy - how employees weren't supposed to date members of their patients' families for at least a year.
One afternoon in December, 2002, Desiree had taken Temps for a walk. They were in the day room when I walked in, thinking how attractive Desiree was and how much I liked her attitude. So I decided to tell her, just like that … and I did. [Larry’s eyes widen.] I told her I really liked her and I asked her out! She kind of hid behind her arm [he mimics the action] and told me in a soft voice about the dating policy. I said, “What about in a year? Would you go out with me?” She smiled as she said, “Kind of pushy, aren’t you?”
Larry knows he’s got us completely hooked now, so he settles back in his chair with an impish twinkle in his eyes, crosses his arms, and playfully pauses for dramatic effect. We lean in, eager to hear more. He obliges our unspoken request and resumes the story with a big grin.
Two weeks later as she slipped me her phone number, Desiree said to me, “I thought about it and I’d like to, but we have to be discrete.” I called her almost immediately and we went out, had dinner, don’t remember where – I was walking on clouds. Three or four days later we had dinner again. Before long we were talking every night on the phone. It took about three months before the staff started catching on that we were seeing each other. They would joke, teasing us about my “constant” calls asking for Desiree.
Well, [a small laugh escapes his mouth] as you can imagine, word got out about our dating. Temps thought it was great; she was very happy for us. Desiree and I became an official item within a few months after Temps' death. By then, lots had happened ... we had talked for months about getting married, I had been nominated to the Arkansas Hospice Foundation board of directors, and was already planning what would grow into our successful, first annual golf tournament. But I still hadn’t formally asked Desiree to marry me!
Sounds like you had your hands full - that’s quite a lot to be dealing with in such a short time. So, did you ever formally ask Desiree to marry you?
On March 13, 2004, when Temps had been gone for a year, with the help of her favorite flower, the purple iris, our hospice friends and I were able to surprise Desiree. I had been sending flowers to Desiree on the 13th of every month since Temps had died, starting with one dozen beautiful purple irises. In May it was 11 sunflowers, in June there were 10 carnations, and so on with different flowers each month, until by March 2004 Desiree was probably expecting one flower to be delivered.
And it was. [Another slight pause of remembrance, this time with a special smile…]
Friends, family and hospice workers secretly gathered with me in the break room of the hospice center to help me surprise Desiree. I carried my single purple iris and all the love in my heart. One of her co-workers brought her down to the break room. You should have seen her face when I asked Desiree to marry me! Together, we all celebrated the moment with cake and toasted with "fake" champagne. Everyone else had little plastic champagne glasses, but ours were those little plastic cups from the doctor’s office (if you know what I mean…) [We shared a hearty laugh at the joyful picture Larry’s words conveyed.]
Desiree and I were married on May 1, 2004 at our church, Our Lady of Holy Souls. We designed everything from the ceremony and vows down to our matching rings. It’s still a marvelous dream. In Desiree I have found an almost indescribable positive from the experience of Temps being sick and dying. There has been so much good that has come out of the sadness of my sister’s death. Desiree and I truly believe God brought us together.
That’s a very heartwarming thought. Thanks, by the way, for sharing your story of connection. Is there anything else you’d like to tell us about Mary or Desiree?
Mary’s grace has touched our lives in other ways. Temps and I used to live with our Grandmother from time to time as we helped care for her. I’d always loved her house, but it had been sold years ago. It was designed in the Frank Lloyd Wright/Faye Jones style by my uncle, Gayle Witherspoon. My dad, Lawrence Witherspoon, built the house.
I showed Desiree Grandmother’s house just a week before I learned it had recently sold again. We both loved the house and it would have been perfect for us! We hadn’t even known it was on the market. I really regretted missing an opportunity to buy it. [Arms are thrown into the air in a gesture of frustration…]
Then, three weeks later while I was standing around the green at the golf tournament, Bill Smith (fellow Foundation board member) took me aside to inquire about our family. [By now, Larry has bounced to the front of his chair, and speaks quickly, almost running his words together.] I asked why he wanted to know about my family, and of all the crazy things, found out he had been living in my Grandmother’s house for some time and was the one who had recently "sold" it. Isn’t that amazing? And, to top it off, the deal hadn't worked out and the house was still available! I was so excited I could hardly wait to tell Desiree.
[Larry continues with the biggest grin we’ve seen yet.] We are now happily married. And ... we move in to my Grandmother’s old house, our new house, this September!
You speak with such passion about all this: Mary, Arkansas Hospice, Desiree, your Grandmother’s house. What drives your passion to serve Arkansas Hospice?
My passion to serve comes right from the love of my sister, the love of my wife and family, and the fact that I’m doing something for the people of this city and the greater good of mankind. Arkansas Hospice is one of the true “stand-outs” of Little Rock and central Arkansas. By the grace of God I get to be a part of it.
It was so exciting, working with Martha Moorehead and other Arkansas Hospice golf fans on the Diamante Golf Tournament this past April. We’re already gearing up for next year, hammering out the details for more golf tournaments. I’m also on the Auction Item Committee for the upcoming ‘A Fair To Remember’ fundraiser. Everyone goes into high gear for this event and it’s a blast! [Larry’s magnetic personality reaches out and grabs people who want to help. It really does – we’ve seen it, and we’re glad he’s with us.] I am really proud to be on the Arkansas Hospice Foundation board, doing something really positive by helping to support the mission of Arkansas Hospice.
[Suddenly it was quiet again…yet Larry is like a hummingbird in his stillness – we feel the vibration of his energy from where we sit, watching him with rapt attention. A few minutes later, we see he’s ready to bring his last contemplative feeling from thought to words.]
Mary is still with us. We’re all connected. I can't separate her from Desiree. One night we were sitting together while Temps was still alive, and Desiree and I both went to her ... and both said at the same time, “Thanks, Mary Temple.”
[Larry's eyes well up with tears ... not really sad, but from the intensity of feelings he's just shared with us.]
******
In the short time he has been on the Foundation board, Larry has won our hearts. He is known for his contagious enthusiasm and willingness to work with anyone who shares his passion for Arkansas Hospice.
Larry is owner of the successful, 17-year-old, Little Rock business, Witherspoon’s Hair Replacement & Barbering Studio. He loves to play golf, although walks with Desiree now rank high on his list of fun things to do. We are glad to say Desiree is still an Arkansas Hospice nurse. We agree that Desiree is an angel ... but we think Larry may be one, too. As a matter of fact, at one point during Larry’s interview former Special Events Coordinator, Breda Turner, popped her head around the corner to inform us, “His heart is made of solid gold.” |
