By CINDY V. CULP
Waco Tribune-Herald

WACO (AP) — As Hatch Bailey’s family ate lunch, the words that spilled from their lips were enough to fill a thousand story lines.

The meal was part of a day at a local spa that had been arranged for Hatch’s wife, Yvonne, and his mother-in-law, Bernice Mize.

Both have terminal cancer. Both are receiving hospice services. Neither had expected to see each other again, at least in this life.

But there they were, at a table just yards from where they had just gotten primped and pampered, wrapped in white waffle-weave robes. As they enjoyed a meal that started with salad, then moved on to gourmet pizza, they talked about everything from SAT scores to white cell counts.

Hatch, arguably Waco’s most prominent funeral director, acted almost like a moderator for the conversation. He clearly didn’t want to waste a minute of precious family time and proceeded to ask Yvonne and Bernice a series of questions, eliciting words of wisdom, words of humor and, most noticeably, words of faith.

Hatch also posed some questions to his and Yvonne’s four sons. Ages 13 to 21, they seemed uncannily at ease as they talked about what they have learned from their mother’s and grandmother’s illnesses.

Rounding out the discussion were Kim Clatworthy and Candace Millwood. They work at the Little Rock, Ark., hospice where Bernice is now an inpatient. They’re the reason Bernice was in Waco.

Clatworthy is the founder of a group called Arkansas Hospice Angels. It provides love and support to patients by providing spa treatments and other pick-me-ups.

When Bernice was nominated for the group’s services recently, she remarked to Clatworthy that the only thing that could make a day at the spa better was if she could do it with her daughter. The last time she had seen her was in January, when Yvonne was in the hospital.

But Yvonne was so ill then that she didn’t even remember her being there.

Bernice had hoped to visit her daughter again, but, by the end of April, the breast cancer she has battled for a decade was bad enough to cause her to check into a hospice. With both women so ill, they came to terms with the idea that their phone conversations would probably be their last communications.

But Bernice’s comments laid on Clatworthy’s heart. After mulling over the situation, Clatworthy kicked into action and started trying to line up a trip to Waco. A pilot friend of a business contact ended up volunteering his time and his plane, and a church in Little Rock raised money for jet fuel.

On Mother’s Day, Bernice called Yvonne and told her the news. Then on Wednesday, she arrived in Waco. When Yvonne got up to greet her, it was the first time she had been out of bed in nearly a week.

Simple symptoms

As the two women ate lunch Thursday, though, it was hard to believe either is terminally ill.

There were some obvious signs, of course. Both women are nearly bald due to the cancer treatments they have been receiving. Plus, Bernice’s illness, which started in her breast, was affecting her voice and brought on a coughing spell.

But both mother and daughter still have a zest for life that would put most people to shame. They attribute it to the support they have gotten from their family and friends and, most importantly, the relationship they have with God. “I don’t know how anyone could ever go through this without the Lord,” said Bernice, who is 68. “That’s where my strength comes from.”

Yvonne agreed, saying that when the melanoma she was first diagnosed with in 2001 came back in February last year, the first thing she did was drop to her knees and ask God to use her situation for his glory. Since then she has seen him do that in incredible ways, she said.

Thousands upon thousands of people have committed to praying for her, Yvonne said. A few have even put their trust in Christ as a result of her illness, she said.

Then there are the hundreds of acts of kindness that have been bestowed on her and her family, Yvonne said. Friends have visited her from all corners of the country. Others have driven across town in the middle of the night to stroke her head or hold the bucket as she was in the throes of sickness.

Plus, Yvonne has struck out on a number of adventures over the past year, she said. She learned to fly fish and landed a five-pound bass on one trip. She also took flying lessons and, better yet, went up with an aerobatics pilot who took her for loops and turns and gravity-defying falls all right over her house in the McGregor area.

Tough stuff

That’s not to say everything has been easy. It hasn’t, Yvonne said. Just because she has put her trust in Jesus doesn’t mean her illness has been a cakewalk, she said. There have been plenty of physical trials. But the most difficult thing has been the emotional struggles.

“The hardest part is not me dying,” Yvonne said. “‘I’m at a real peace with that. I think the hardest thing for me is watching my family and my boys and Hatch. Your mother is not supposed to die when you are 13 or when you are 21.”

One thing she’s extremely grateful for, Yvonne said, is that she has lived long enough to better prepare her sons for her death. Teaching them more independence hasn’t been easy, she said. It’s difficult every time they walk around the corner.

But she knows that making her sons live their own lives now will help them after she’s gone, Yvonne said. From the very beginning of her illness, she told them “this will not be the house that cancer took.” They were still expected to do chores. They were still expected to do well in school. They were still expected to fight and be silly and do all of the other things that boys do as they grow into men.

Still, illness inevitably changes things, Yvonne said, and one aspect of her cancer that has been overwhelming at times is all of the attention. She cherishes the love and support that have been lavished upon her, she said, but it has still been a major adjustment to be the center of attention. “You learn a lot about yourself when you go around bald in public,” Yvonne said.

Hatch chimed in, saying the phenomenon has affected him as well. For years, his job as a funeral director caused him to be the one giving comfort to families in grief. Learning to let others help him has been a challenge, he said, but it has had big rewards.

Eyes to the sky

Lately, Yvonne said, she has been thinking more than ever about heaven. Joyful anticipation is really the more accurate way to describe it. She said she thinks about all of the friends and loved ones she’ll be reunited with, including her father, who died of cancer 15 years ago. Plus, she’s excited about the idea of getting to meet famous figures.

Sometimes when she talks to friends about dying, they bring up the question of legacy, Yvonne said. For example, many people throughout the years have told her she should use her writing talent to author a book. When news of her illness spread, some lamented that she wouldn’t get to write one.

But for Yvonne, that’s no big deal. She has never wrestled with the question of whether she made a difference in the world, she said. All she has to do is look at her sons and she knows what her lasting impact is, she said.

Along the same lines, Yvonne said some friends have asked if she ever gets mad at God. She understands what they mean, she said, but she just can’t identify with that train of thought. “I’ve never once asked, ‘Why me?’” Yvonne said. “Why not me? ... I have a very blessed life. I’ve made it 47 years with an incredible life.”

Bernice nodded in agreement. God knew before both she and Yvonne were born that they would go through cancer, she said. Perhaps that’s one reason her husband also suffered from the disease. His death was a lesson in dying with dignity, they said.

I want to be like her

As the group dug into some cheesecake for dessert, Clatworthy gave her own observations about what Yvonne and Bernice are going through. As a hospice worker, she has seen a lot of families deal with terminal illnesses in a lot of different ways, she said.

Yvonne and Bernice’s situation is certainly unique because of the mother and daughter link, Clatworthy said. But what has really stood out to her is the way the family has fought to make the most of the time they have together. As the mother of boys herself, Clatworthy said Yvonne has been a role model for her.

“I want to be like her when I die,” Clatworthy said. “I’ve seen lots of people die, but I’ve never seen anyone do it with quite the grace or dignity she has.”

Soon after that, a spa worker told Yvonne and Bernice she was ready for them again, and they headed to one of the treatment rooms. Bernice and Yvonne spent much of their time on “the island,” the family’s nickname for the huge, four-poster bed in the Baileys’ bedroom. But there was also a special dinner on the family’s good china and plenty of visiting with the boys.

As Bernice got back on the plane to head home, it marked the end of a bittersweet visit. But to mother and daughter, it was just another step in the dance of living one day at a time while living each day for eternity.